Seven Deadly Sins - Lust

“So what deadly sin are we doing this Sunday, daddy”.

“We’re doing lust Isla”.

“Oh. What’s that?”

Talk about being put on the spot!

In the end, the best I could come up with was that lust is being greedy for another person’s body; and judging by the face she pulled, I think she thought I was talking about cannibalism!

I’m still waiting for round two of that conversation!

But how do you warn a ten year old about lust in a world that’s becoming obsessed by image and sexuality?

How do you warn a ten year old about lust when every sexual practice known to man is readily viewed on the electronic devices that most of her peers carry to school every day?

How do you warn a ten year old about lust in a week when the newspapers are reporting that an eleven year old is soon to become Britain’s youngest mother?

Lust may or may not be a live issue for you. But it is for your children and your grandchildren. It’s a different world we live in, and there are some dangerous dangerous lies out there that we need to be taking on.

And one of the main ones is that what you do with your body doesn’t affect your inner world – your soul. People act as though there were no connection between the two.

But that’s a lie.

There was a film back in 1993 called Indecent Proposal (IMAGE) which illustrates that very well. In the movie, David and Diana are a young couple who run into huge financial problems. They go to Vegas for one last roll of the dice – literally. They gamble their savings in the hope of winning big. But they end up losing everything.

But during the evening, a millionaire called John Gage, notices them, and hears about their trouble. And he makes them a very tempting proposal. He offers them a million dollars for one night with the beautiful Diana.

She and David talk about it for hours the next day, and though they’re both uncomfortable with the idea, it seems too good an opportunity to miss. And after all, says Diana – “it’s only my body, not my soul.”

So she goes through with it. But from then on, things start to fall apart from them. David becomes jealous and suspicious of her; trust breaks down, they argue. And eventually they have to split up.

It turns out that it’s harder to separate body and soul than they both thought.

And that’s something that Christianity has been saying for two millennia. (IMAGE) That body and soul are inextricably linked.

Some religions are down on the body as though it were just a vessel for the soul – a lesser thing somehow.

Others argue that there is no soul. We’re just clever animals, driven by our instincts.

Christianity has always argued for the middle ground. That soul is good, that body is good, and that in the providence of God, the two belong together and influence one another.

What we do with our bodies affects our souls. This is why we close our eyes and bow our heads when we pray. Why some of us choose to fast from food from time to time, or to take regular exercise. Why others feel they want to raise their hands when they worship. What we do with our bodies affects our souls.

And sharing your body with someone is as intimate a physical act as we can imagine. You are literally giving yourself away, entrusting yourself to the other. Don’t tell me that doesn’t have a spiritual dimension! I don’t believe you can walk away from that kind of intimacy and just forget about it. There’s no such thing as casual sex.

Sex, proper sex, is a meeting of souls as well as bodies – a wonderful consummation of all that should already be there in a relationship – love, experience, commitment, desire. It’s a good gift of God; not just given for procreation as the ancients wrongly had it, but for enjoyment. For pleasure. Read Song of Solomon if you’re in any doubt about that!

And sex is such a high powered gift, that God has to give it a context, otherwise it could do too much damage to people. And the right context for sex is that of a loving, committed relationship – ideally sealed in marriage vows.  

And this is where we find ourselves going against the grain of the times we live in.

Angela Tilby puts it this way: (IMAGE)  “Our society is two-faced about sex and sexuality. We like to believe that we are adult and tolerant and have a healthy attitude to sex and relationships. But in practice there is an unrestrained appetite for sexual titillation which has nothing to do with actual relationships.”

Sex is everywhere, but almost everywhere it’s divorced from committed relationships. And the proper name for that is lust. (IMAGE)

And lust is big business. It’s marketed in advertising; in music videos; in films; in dating websites; in pornography.

Sex as commodity; sex as a recreational option. Sex without relationship or commitment. That’s what this generation’s in danger of thinking is normal, unless we tell them otherwise.

“Oh, what are you on about, Paul! It’s just an appetite, like hunger. Get over yourself!”

Well, that might well be true, – but isn’t it the case that it’s an inflamed appetite? Exaggerated, compared to  our other appetites, like hunger and thirst?

CS Lewis had something to say about that. Many years ago, In the days before the internet, strip joints were where you’d have to go to see a woman take her clothes off. Try imagining a country, says Lewis, where folk would gather together in theatres to see someone slowly, tantalizingly, lift a silver cover off a bacon sandwich! Wouldn’t you think that something had gone wrong with people’s appetites in that country, if they’d gather in that way for that purpose?

And wouldn’t someone looking in to our culture from outside reach the same conclusion about our sexual appetite? Wouldn’t they be surprised and puzzled by how beholden we are to it?

Lust inflames.

And it also destroys

Infidelity, puts marriages under huge pressure, and not just when it’s followed through in real life. You can be unfaithful in your mind.

“If you look at a woman (or presumably a man) lustfully” says Jesus – “you’ve already committed adultery in your heart”.

Some of us were down at a men’s conference in Edinburgh a few weeks ago and heard a couple talking very honestly about how the guy’s porn habit had impacted their relationship; how betrayed and foolish the wife felt when she found out, and how difficult he was finding it to stay true and not live with the deception any more. It took a long time for the trust to come back.

The problem with lust is that it’s like eczema. The more you scratch, the more you want to scratch.

Wolves are killers in the arctic; and back in the old days, when Eskimos wanted to catch a wolf, they’d coat a knife blade with layer after layer of animal blood, til the blade was completely hidden. Then they’d fix the knife in the ground with the blade upwards.

The wolf would smell the frozen blood and start licking the knife, lapping and lapping til the edge became bare. It craved the blood so much, and the weather was so cold, it wouldn’t notice the sting of the blade on its own tongue. When it tasted warm blood it would lick all the more furiously. And in the morning, the wolf would be found dead in the snow having bled to death – killed by its own appetite.

Lust destroys – It turns people into things. It messes up relationships, it erodes integrity, it makes us live in deceit and secrecy.

So why the heck do we keep falling for it?

Well, the writer Dorothy Sayers suggests that there are two reasons. She says that some folk lust because they live solely on the physical plane and inhabit it exhuberantly. But for others, lust is much more to do with discontent and boredom.

And isn’t that exactly what we see in the story of David and Bathsheba? (IMAGE)

Where is David when kings are supposed to go off to war? At home, hanging around bored. Having a nap. Wondering what to do with himself.

So he heads upstairs to the roof for a wander.

Now I wonder about that wander! If you’re the king and your roof is higher than everyone else’s roof it makes a pretty good vantage point. Did he go up there with the intention of doing some spying, or did he just fall into it by chance? We don’t know.

But what we do know is that when his eyes fell on Bathsheba they stayed there too long. Somebody once asked what the difference is between looking and lusting? ‘Somewhere about five seconds’ was the reply.

He could have looked, admired her beauty, and moved on. Who knows – her looks might have inspired him to go downstairs and visit one of his own wives! I’m sure they would have been glad to see him! But instead, his eyes lingered on Bathsheba.  And a little chain reaction started in his mind that’s common to us all and is beautifully described in the letter of James:

¹⁴Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. ¹⁵Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full–grown gives birth to death.”

David looks, he lusts, he plans, he sins; and sin, in time, leads to death.  Both literal and metaphorical, in this story.

He loses his integrity and his peace with God. He has to try and cover his tracks by getting Uriah to sleep with his wife. When that fails, he has to orchestrate his death in battle. Several other soldiers die in the process, and others are implicated in the conspiracy. The child Bathsheba conceives ends up dying. A horrible chain reaction of lies and deceit that all started with David letting his gaze linger too long on a beautiful woman’s form.

He followed his lust. (IMAGE) And lust inflames; and lust destroys.

The desert fathers knew this. They took on celibacy as part of their commitment to God, and that’s a high and noble calling, following in the steps of the apostle Paul and of Christ himself. They knew that not having families of their own to look after meant that they had more time for God and for others. And it was something they felt called to.

But living solitary lives, and trying their best to be pure, they knew the temptations of lust all the more. What were their thoughts on the matter?

Well, interestingly, lust – along with gluttony – were thought to be some of the lesser sins on the list, and fairly straightforward to deal with.

It’s a point well made, that when you look at the great works of literature, the real villains tend to be the cold-blooded prideful schemers; not the winebibbers and skirt chasers. And it’s interesting how patient Jesus was when he dealt with those with dubious sexual histories; he had much more patience with them than with the self-righteous Pharisees.

The desert Fathers advice about lust was simple. The battle is fought in the mind, so take control of your thoughts when you see them going in the wrong direction.

The problem isn’t with someone’s body! The answer isn’t to put women in a burka or men in shapeless clothes!

The issue’s in your mind. You need to take control of your thoughts, as David failed to do on the rooftop.

And part of the way we apply that today is to think about when and where we’re vulnerable.

Is it when you’re bored? Alone with the laptop or the TV remote? Is it in the company of certain people? Is it when you’re away on business and you’re feeling lonely and tired? When are you at your most vulnerable?

Think ahead – work out how to negotiate those situations. Don’t put yourself in places where it’s just too easy for temptation to find you.

So guard your thoughts, say the Fathers.

Then, they said, stay close to God. When you feel your thoughts going in this direction, head them off at the pass with prayer and some well chosen scriptures like these (IMAGE)

²²    The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him;

    the cords of his sin hold him fast.

²³    He will die for lack of discipline,

    led astray by his own great folly.

Proverbs 5:22

²³    Above all else, guard your heart,

    for it is the wellspring of life. (Prov 4:23)

Prayer and scripture help keep you grounded in God – seeing things from his perspective.

You see, lust de-personalises people; it turns them into things. But when we get back in tune with God, we can’t see people like that any more because God doesn’t see them that way.

That woman’s not just a body – she’s a whole person – someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s mother. She’s not a piece of meat for you to drool over.

And that man is someone’s friend, someone’s brother, someone’s son. He’s more than just a body! So stop looking at him in the wrong way.

Staying close to God helps us get his perspective on things.

And then lastly, we need to speak honestly to a trusted friend about our struggles.

When you make your thoughts manifest, the Fathers’ said, half the power of the temptation is already gone.

If this is an issue for you, you need to make yourself accountable to someone so you can talk honestly with them about these things.

And that’s especially true today because with the rise of modern technology, temptation’s no longer down a shady street in the middle of town. It is with you always.

Many years ago I discovered a wee piece of accountability software that goes on your PC. You load it up, it runs in the background, you wouldn’t even know it’s there. But every month it sends a report to your accountability partner letting him or her know if you’ve visited any risky sites.

You can do similar things with your phone. You can find ways to block unhelpful channels on your television.

As Luther said, you can’t stop the birds flying over your head, but you can stop them making a nest in your hair.

If this is a struggle for you, you can make things a lot easier for yourself by putting simple checks and balances in place and choosing to make yourself accountable to someone.

It was CS Lewis who wrote that all the greatest pleasures in life are gifts of God. The best the devil can do is to take them and twist them so that they bring us harm, not good.

And I’ll leave the last word on this subject to the good professor.

He says that for all its superficial attraction, and seeming power -  (IMAGE)

Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed.